Second Sunday of May..

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Been doing that for more than 6 months now. Fought it just to get to this sentence.

And I’m battling it right now too.

There is a lot of rubber being worn out. My brain and my heart has been on overdrive for a while. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel? I don’t know. All I know is that the flame on this candle I’ve been holding is fading and I’ll be in darkness soon.

2020 was such a hard year. I’m lucky I had a few people who kept me sane. 2021 though has been the same and fuel is nearing empty.

Yes, you have to stay strong – the whole world is going through a crisis. This is just one of a few that have reminded us that our nationalities are Mankind, nothing else. But, yea – let’s continue pursuing life on Mars because our planet is doomed.  Racism, bigotry, politics, theft, greed are just a few things I’ve noticed which doesn’t make sense. Maybe I was raised wrong.

I’ve gone through a lot of downs and downs personally. It’s easy to be down and beat yourself up. But again, I’ve had a few people who’ve helped me keep my chin up. It does help having people around, having family and friends. Even strangers have nice things to say at times. I’ve been told to keep fighting. I’ve been told to keep getting up after falling. But it’s hard to mend a mind and soul that’s broken – no matter how much help you get. The scars will always remain. Maybe I was raised wrong.

There are a lot of evil thoughts that make their way into your mind. Whether it be thoughts of physical harm. Whether it be hoping that people get their due. Whether it be wishing that people don’t prosper in life. Such things do come into everyone’s minds. It’s how they deal with it that shows who they are. It’s hoping for the best in people. If we aren’t judgmental we can never be wrong – isn’t it? I’ve tried it – nothing has changed. Maybe I was raised wrong.

Darts will always be a part of my life. It’s something that has been with me and my family for decades. I’ve always been taught to work hard, practice, put in the time, concentrate. I have to get my results on the board no matter what happens. You’re only as good as your last match is something that is said throughout the world of sports and punditry. I’ve done that. Look at where Indian Darts is right now and look at where I stand in it? Maybe I was raised wrong.

Is there a future here? Yes, but we collectively don’t act like there is. Can people change? Yes, there is so much outpouring of support on matters like racism, climate control, animal violence, etc. But, does that even matter now when people who want to fill their pockets always win? Can I get better? Yes, but there are more than enough people who have put me down – those I rely on. Maybe I was raised wrong.

Happy Mothers Day to the woman that raised me. You raised me right. I just feel you had too much faith in this world.

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