Days go by more faster now, does that mean I’m losing time or making the most of it? I’ll never know.
Pains linger on more longer now, does that mean I’m growing old or hurting more? It still continues to grow.
I’m still confused with what to do. I can’t figure if I’m thinking too much or too less.
Everyone has expectations of me including I. I’m just too scared to make a mess.
I can’t find that reassuring voice of love that I used to hear.
I only remember it in my memories when I pry them open in an effort to peer.
Into the past where life was so much simpler, where happiness was provided with hug and a kiss while sadness was cured by the same.
I lost the only thing I had – my compass, my idol, my inspiration – I have somehow gotten lost in the game.
It’s funny when people say an open door is an opportunity or when one closes another opens.
I find it hard to compare lives like that – but it’s something that often happens.
We look into hearts to find similarities because that’s what we need.
It’s familiarity, recognition and similar traits, of which we feed.
Ever since you left, I grew accustomed to that but compared you to so very few.
How is that possible that I can’t find a bit of you in anyone, I still have no clue.
I’m at a loss for words now, my thoughts are drifting.
While within this jumbled mess of happy and sad memories, I’m still sifting.
For that one moment where I knew for sure that you wouldn’t be back.
That forever in my life there would be this one feeling I would always lack.
Of not receiving unconditional love, compassion or just having someone like you.
To carry me, advice me, lift me or just push me through.
It’s been almost half a dozen years since you were pushed to make a choice.
One that would change life as I know it, yet you did it so faintly and quietly, without any noise.
You got a spoiled brat ready to face life in the span of a minute.
All you taught me was the value of love and trust in a way that I still cannot concinnate.
Never a day goes by that I drift off into thought.
Of the memory of when you left us, of the pain that it brought.
I’d just like to tell you that I’m fine but I’m always struggling.
Because of something you asked of me and my priorities which I am juggling.
I’d like to tell you that I know life is hard but learning its lessons is harder.
But you’ve told me that through such tests only do we get the strength to move farther.
I remember so much that the memory is so vivid.
That it still pains me to this day, it still gets me so livid.
But once again I go back to your teachings ever since I was a child.
That always came through no matter the aches, issues or hurt that piled.
Today is another day that I will think about you solely.
Today is another day that I’ll put a false face up wholly.
Today isn’t like other days when I’m also reminded of you.
Today is the day when everything else lines up in a queue.
All of them behind you and all the memories of your smile.
All of them cribbing to be given some importance, just for a little while.
I’m having a pizza today, like we always used to do.
On occasions like these which I feel now has turned very few.
I’d just wish you and make sure I didn’t make a plan.
To leave you for friends, girls, or any other frivolous reason my brain always ran.
Everything is just so hard, mom. That’s basically all I’d like to say.
I know what your reply would be, you’d tell me to rest and learn from it but try better the very next day.
Happy Birthday Mom. Don’t say anything, please allow it to settle in my heart.
I want to be flushed with happiness and love before the tears start.