2019 – Year of the TIGER
2018 is now taking its last few breaths. Slowly and steadily the life being exhaled out in smaller and smaller amounts as the penultimate second nears while an explosion of life aka 2019 will burst out from the ashes. Resolutions will be made, calendars will be reset, people will now keep correcting the “year” in their signatures rather than the “day”. But ultimately the passing of 2018 to 2019, just gives us all hope. Hope that 2019 is either same or better than 2018. Who is their right mind would ever want it to be worse than 2018? We are all survivors at the end of the day aren’t we? Don’t we all secretly or openly wish that fortune comes our way in the form of money, happiness, convenience, love or even comfort?
I for one, wish everyone gets what they wish for in 2019. Happy New Year to all of you.
I however end the year in another country sitting on my hostel bed looking out the window into a yard of old junk – cars, bikes, wooden logs, tyres. Funny – it’s actually better than how I spent the new year twelve months back. Drunk before the new year because I wanted to so badly forget 2017. I want to forget 2018 too but the lessons I’ve learned this year are far too valuable. The things I’ve gone through this year are a lot more life changing. This year has changed my mental makeup for the rest of my time here on this planet. I sit here following the biggest moment in my career and I feel like scum. I don’t deserve anything and I just want to drop it all and walk away.
There was a build up to the tournament where everyone spoke of me getting past the 1st round with authority and giving the World Champion a run for his money. Yes, the “everyone” I’m speaking about, know who they are. Entering the event with a lot of hopes was yours truly – hopes of doing the best I could – that’s all. I know my standards – I know what I have to learn to make it there. Would any normal person in their right mind say that they were better than a member of the Indian Cricket team? They cannot because almost 99.9% of people will not even be able to go along with the training they do during a season and neither will they be able to match what they do in an off-season. If you cannot do that, how do you expect to play at a standard higher than them in matches? The answer is simple – you cannot. We have to learn to draw lines between fantasy and reality. If I am ranked the number 1 player of the country or the 100th I will still be the first to say that the country and its darters are to watched out for in the future. But I will also be the first to say – we are nowhere close to being anywhere near the top. I might hurt a lot of people saying this – but hey, I’m the one here putting up a fight while everyone is back home. Yes, I have support but it’s still me doing it. You all know who Muhammed Ali is right? Do you know who Angelo Dundee is? The only reason I know him is because I’m a boxing fan. I love the mental aspect of boxers because they all know the game plan they have to follow and they all know that they cannot control that one punch that they do not see – that punch is the difference between greatness and an average payday. This is why I say – I am the right person and the only one who can say this.
I used to keep thinking that if you want to be a champion you have to think like one. I thought I was doing fine. But do I actually have any idea what is going on in the mind of a World Champion? Nope.. Do I have any idea of what people who have come close to that level think? Hell no!! So how will I think like a champ when I don’t know how to? This here is the journey that I have started out on. I only now realize how lonely it is here in this makeshift cloud where only champions and world beaters reside. I can only grasp just a little of the sacrifices that each of them have made. Putting personal tragedies aside what more do you have to do to get better? What else do you have to do to perform on the biggest stage of them all? I’m here to know just that. I do get information from others but I can’t listen to everyone from every side – no matter if they are right. I have my way of doing something and having a voice telling me to do things I wouldn’t do is not something I need. At the end of the day – I’m on stage, I’m the person throwing the dart. It’s not the hundreds of people who are supposedly advising me for the sake of saying something.
I’m not one who talks a lot – it’s very different with close friends and loved ones though. I prefer to be alone or with a group of people or friends that I have made throughout the years. I am happy with just living a comfortable life – I don’t want to be rich or famous even. If my path in life has rich and fame in it, then great but I am not running after that. There is something else on my mind that I seek that is far more important. I like to put money on experiences, happiness and of course, I never bargain on food. The rest – I don’t care for really. So if you still think I don’t value money – then all I can say is that maybe I don’t value what you value to that extent. Many people still don’t understand that but again it’s my life and I don’t care what people think.
2018 has been a year where I have faced the lowest of lows. I’ve had quite a bad run with a lot of things that are running in my head and I’m lucky to be here today because of a few people and some promises I have made over the years. I’ve come to know who is really “family” to me. I’ve come to know who “friends” are and I’ve finally come to know what I need to do to move forward – funny that I get to know this at the end of year and without anyone by my side.
You will not get to see a lot of me on social media in 2019 or the future honestly. I guess that part of my life is now coming to an end though they unfortunately are a necessity in today’s world and will still remain active. I will write more. I will practice more. I will perform more. I will win more. I want more. This is a promise I make to myself and not to others because again – only I can do what needs to be done.
2019 – Year of the PIG TIGER